What does it mean to dream? I've been bombarded recently with that concept. From sermons to tv shows to friends to my own thoughts, the concept of dreaming has been almost haunting me. Why is that? Probably because I have pretty much given up on it. I don't know when or how it happened, but somewhere along the way, I stopped dreaming. I started to settle and be complacent. And even though I believe that deep down inside I still have dreams that can be fulfilled, I have been struggling with trying to remember what those dreams even are!
In some ways, I feel like I was born way too practical for my own good. I know that sounds strange, and even a bit contradictory. I do believe that God formed each of us uniquely for a purpose, so I know that my practical nature has a purpose, but for most of my life I have allowed it to get the better of me. One of the main reason I stopped dreaming is that it just does not seem practical. Not to mention I am far too critical. At times in the past that I have dreamt of certain things, I have quickly dismissed them as impractical or silly. And when those thoughts have popped back in my head or my heart, I once again brush them aside and tell myself that God has created certain people for big dreams and others for the practical things of life. And I'm just a practical kind of girl...right?
If that were true, why am I feeling so much unrest? Why do I long for things, even though most of the time I'm not even sure what those things are? I look back at my past blogs and there is clearly a longing there. My last post said I wanted to write - and that was a year ago!!! The problem is that when I start writing, I start thinking. And when I think too much then ideas start to come, which can only lead to impractical dreams. So I stopped writing, stopped thinking and just kept going with the day to day of life, thinking somehow that would make things better. Only it hasn't. There is still a longing inside of me that I cannot explain. A longing to do something more with my life, not just to settle for the practical.
Could it be that I have not completely given up on dreaming? Could it be that I am not too practical for my own good after all? I truly believe that God is beginning to stir something in my heart. I'm not even too sure what it is yet, but I know that it's there. And for the first time in a long time I really want to find out what it is. I want to take the necessary steps to discover the dreams I have long pushed to the back of my mind hoping they wouldn't return to haunt me. But now is the time! I know there is a purpose, even in the timing. And I am trusting that God will lead me each step of the way. The hard part is only beginning, and yet I am extremely excited as I take a deep breath and prepare for whatever lies ahead!
