Motivation

How do you become motivated? How do you keep yourself motivated? I think for some people, they are just born with a natural drive inside of them. A drive to always be pushing forward, looking for the next thing, moving up in the world. They have drive to not become complacent with what they have or where they are. For others, that drive doesn't come as easily. They fall with ease into the routine of daily life, and never really have the urge to push beyond that.

I always thought that I was a driven person. I pushed myself to do well in school. I always did my best and applied everything I had to any task I was given, whether in the classroom or on the job. But lately I've realized that I've lost most of that. I'm not really sure how or when it happened, but it has. The monotony of everyday life has just become what I am used to. Now don't get me wrong, I am by no means content with the way that things are now (see previous posts if you have NO idea what I'm talking about). I want so many different things in my life that I don't have right now. But if I'm completely honest with myself, I have become extremely lazy. I lack any motivation to begin to make the changes that I want in my life.

Now it's true that there are things that I do not have the power to change right at this moment. Those things I have to give over to God & believe that they will come in His time. But there are without a doubt a number of things that I could be working towards right now, and I'm just not. There's not particular reason that I can think of, other than it's hard & I don't feel like it. It's kind of strange to finally just admit it. I have been so incredibly lazy! I just don't want to do the work. The truth is that I want things to be different but I don't really want to have to contribute. I just want a quick fix, and easy answer. I don't want to have to work for it.

So now that I've admitted it, I guess the question is what am I going to do about it. If I continue on the path that I am on, I know things will not get any better. My battles will just get more & more difficult & I will eventually have to pick myself up & fight! Or I guess I could just go ahead and get started with that now. I think I'm waiting for things to get easy. And you know what, that's never gonna happen! It's never going to be easy to get up & make the changes that I want in my life. So if it's never going to be easy, then what the heck am I waiting for?! I guess I just answered my own question. God, please give me the desire to make the changes in my life that I know I need to make. Please push me when I don't want to or feel like I can't go anymore!!!

Contentment

Another semester has officially come and gone. It's strange how when you're no longer in school, but you work at one, your time is still measured by semesters, although the end of a semester has come to mean different things. It used to mean a month off, going home, spending time with my family & friends that I missed for months at a time. But now it means that everyone else gets to do those things, and what is usually a busy and crowded campus is now virtually a ghost town. It's eerily quiet already, and school just ended yesterday. And the worst part is that your friends tend to come & go. Sometimes just for the break, but more often than not, for good.

I don't hate being alone, but I don't really enjoy it either. I guess it really depends on the day and sometimes even the moment. Being alone means spending time with yourself, and to be honest, I'm not always the best company. I realize every time that I'm alone for long periods of time, I actually relish the distraction of other people because it means I don't have to take a good look at myself and deal with my own life and my own thoughts. I am often, unfortunately far far too often, unhappy with my circumstances and with myself. But as long as I keep myself busy and don't allow myself to think about it, then it just gets pushed aside and I don't have to deal with it. But on days like these, the reality of my life and how frustrated I am at my circumstances is undeniable.

Please don't get me wrong, I know that I am truly blessed. God has always provided for me, and I am truly thankful that I have never really wanted for anything. I have an amazing family and great friends. But if I were to answer the question, "Are you happy?" honestly, I'd have to say no. But then again, I can't really remember a time when I was. I think I am always looking for something more than what I have. Longing for what someone else has. Basically wishing my life away. I don't know that I have ever truly been content. I want to be, but the truth is I don't think I know how to be.

So that will be my goal for these next few weeks. To practice the art of contentment. I don't even know where to begin, but I think now is as good a time as any to start. Taking an honest look at my life, and thanking God for the things he has blessed me with, asking Him what He wants me to do at this time & in this season. Those are the things that I need to be focused on, not what I think I'm missing.

So please keep me in your prayers, as I begin to take on this task. I know it will not be easy, but I believe it will be truly life changing.