Well, it's been quite a while since I last posted anything. In fact, I don't remember the last time I wrote anything at all. But I think it's time to change that. So if you don't mind, I'd really like to share some things with you. And maybe along the way encourage any of you that might be going through something similar. So here goes...
This is all coming about because of a bit of a breakdown. After crying on and off for nearly an entire day, I realized that some things needed to change. I have been simply existing for quite a long time and I've noticed that this is my pattern. I get so bogged down in the day to day that I forget about what is really important. And I forget to create a life full of things that I love and enjoy. I simply work work work and that's about it. And I wonder why I feel unfulfilled and unhappy.
After much contemplation, I realize that I don't feel like I'm making a difference in the world. I know that I am still here because this is where God wants me, but I have been dealing with it almost like a prison sentence. Just doing my time until the next thing comes along. But I don't just want to do my fime, I want to make the most of my time. I want to feel fulfilled and enjoy each and every day, not just have an occasional moment of happiness during days that are mostly filled with nothing much. It's not a way to live, and it's been what has made me feel so miserable. I'm missing out on life!
So the challenge for me is how do I continue in my normal day to day activities, but change my persepective. Not see everyday as a stress-filled obligation that gets me one day closer to the end, but rather a piece of the puzzle that is one step closer to being completed. When you work behind a desk all day, it's extremely hard to view any of that as significant. And since I feel like I'm never able to catch up on my work, it's hard for me not to feel stressed about that. But instead of going home and working every night, or simply letting the stress overtake me and do absolutely nothing, I need to figure out what else I can and should be doing. What can I do to better myself? What can I do to help others? What can I do that makes me happy?
It's funny that I feel ok sharing all of this, because I don't let people in very easily. Trust is a hard thing for me, and it makes me keep people at arms length. But yesterday, Julie asked for people to encourage me on facebook and twitter since I was having such a bad day. And people really came through.I got some of the nicest comments and encouragements that meant the world to me! It made me realize that I do have people that love me and care about me that I can trust. I just need to open myself up to that.
So please keep checking back. I want to make this a regular thing, because not only does writing help me, but I really enjoy it! So I'm going to try my best to post something everyday. Even if it's not as long as this one. A reflection of my day and where I am in my journey. I hope that's ok. Basically a journal, but not so private! Haha. But that's ok. Knowing there are even a few of you out there that understand what I'm going through strangely makes me feel better. :-)
