Death of a Dream

Have you ever wanted something so badly that it consumed you? I mean literally just consumed your life. Wasted moments, days, maybe even years creating something in your head that was maybe never really there to begin with.

Where does that desire come from? Why is it in my heart if it isn't right? If what I want is not what's best for me, what's right for me or what God has for me, why can't I let go of it? Or better yet, why is it there in the first place?

I honestly just don't understand. It makes no logical sense to me. I have allowed my desires to consume my mind, sometimes not even consciously. I feed into the thoughts in my head and the desires in my heart, creating imaginary situations and outcomes, but generally all ending the same-with me getting what it is that I want.

Is this normal? Do all girls do this? Do guys do this? And if so, how do you stop? When you come to the realization that what you desire is never going to happen, how do you let go of it? How do you stop dreaming about it and hoping for it? How do you stop thinking about it every spare moment of everyday?

I wish I knew the answer. I wish someone could tell me three easy steps to fix a broken heart from a broken dream. But I dont think there is an easy answer or a quick fix. I think that you have to just daily make a choice to give it to God, trusting that He has something far better than you can even imagine.

But what do I do in the meantime? My heart still aches and my mind still whirls with thoughts of what could have been. I want to trust Him, but it's hard. Nothing that I'm feeling right now lines up with that, but I know it needs to be done. And maybe I will have to force myself at first. Maybe for quite awhile, but I have to believe that the ache will be gone, the desire will fade away, and I'll be ready for the desires that He has placed in my heart, rather than holding onto something that was never mine to begin with. So, deep breath and here goes...